i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
