My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
