I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
It's blow job season.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
