Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
