Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
