Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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