I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
True college students do jello shots in the library
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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