I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
