she was so not down for the gang bang
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
