He uses pillows to masturbate.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
