for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
