Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
