Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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