Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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