The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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