i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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