i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
