I'm going to jail i love you
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
