He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
