Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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