I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
