i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
