HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
