You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
