I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
