I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
