I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
