She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I FOUND THE LEGS
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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