he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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