Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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