My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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