Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
