Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
