So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
