one two three fourrrrnication!
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
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So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
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Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
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