What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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