Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
