Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
