I hate all girls vehemently.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
