Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
