This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
What a dumb baby whore.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
