So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
