3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
