yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
