I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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