Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I cut my penus on the lid.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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