Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
