saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize