Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
