I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
