i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
