Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
