my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
