Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I am mentally ready for anal.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
