you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Randomize
