sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
