shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
