im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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