Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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