I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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