he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
it's great music for shaving your balls
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
