VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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