the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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