My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
