She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
She needs sedatives and a leash
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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