I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Randomize
