it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
