They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
