38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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