i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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