apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
