On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
