I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
